This is the last week of fall semester and things are starting to get stressful. I intend to get my homework done right after the evening training session, but it never ends up happening until around 11p.m. I really need to start going to bed sooner/get more sleep. I wake up so tired sometimes that I can't even possibly fathom getting out of bed to train. I want be be fast, and I know that in order to do it I have got to train more hours, and this means twice a day, but it is also not healthy be in constant sleep deprivation.

I know what you're thinking. You are thinking that I couldn't possibly want it bad enough, or else I would just drag myself out of bed and do it. And, to an extent, you are right (that can't be the correct way to punctuate that sentence, but I think you get the idea). I do want it though! It pains me to think about how much I want it because there is the possibility that I might not make it even if I give it 100%. I get this unbearable agitation. It's in my throat, and my chest, and my biceps, and back. My head feels dull like if i don't do something soon I might slip into unconsciousness. This is the reason I think I slack off some times. I think I would rather blame my failures on lack of effort than...oh shit, I have training in 30mins I will finish this later.

Okay, I am back from 4x7min intervals at Mtn. Dell. I was saying that some part of my subconscious would rather not try than fail, and that is a big problem. Tonight I am going to finish my calculus homework, brainstorm for my research paper, and go to bed as early as possible. no ifs, ands, or buts (that also looks very funny to me)