Has crooked slanted floors
As a measure against drunkenness.
Has the world’s smallest shower
So that it is not a mystery how I bumped my head on the soap stand and am found naked and dead by my roommates.
Has a deck with a maximum occupancy sign of 7 persons despite its magnificent proportions
So that I may never throw a raging party.
Has an inferno beneath my room
So that I must sleep with a fan blowing on me,
So that I may be paranoid that it’s constant hum is damaging my hearing,
So that I dream of going deaf.
My first house
Has no redeeming qualities
So that I may be reminded of my old, fat, lazy, and arthritic dog.
Whom I love regardless.
