I'm tired. It's an ache in my lower back that spreads to my soul. I feel like the most basic things take me forever today. I'm too tired to sleep. too tired to write. I feel myself compressed heavily into the futon I sit at, and here I'll remain until it's dark enough outside to lie (lay? I still don't get it) on.
I think about the future and am filled with the dread of the present. How can things change if I don't change them now. I have several thoughts going through my head at the moment. Can I ski faster, is it worth it to go for it? How am I going to make enough money to pay off my tens-of-thousands of dollars of student loan/ car payment debt? Do I want to become a better writer or a better musician? Do I even have time for either if I'm going to keep skiing? What about graduate school, have you lost hope for that?
Maybe I'm just hungry. Where's the food? Oh wait, I can't afford it.
(if she reads this) I'm okay, mom. Don't worry. I'm sorry if I make you worry. I'm happy. Really, I am. I feel bad that I make you worried sometimes. I just want to be independent and stop being your burden. We're even, okay?
-Stavรณ
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Update: I'm alright. just tired. I put on a pot of water for spaghetti and made myself a sauce out of refried beans, pepperjack cheese, and salsa: essentially everything that was in my meager fridge. just count yourself lucky I didn't throw in the peanut butter in the cupboard. I had a good laugh at myself while looking at the concoction
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